The end of another year.

When I was younger I was always excited for Christmas to come not only because of the gifts but because it is the end of the year. Now that I am of age I despise the end of the year cause it reminds me of getting older and getting older. Such negativity! Well here I am trying to reflect on the whole year of what have I done that I could actually scratch off my bucket list.... CRAP! I have not done anything extra ordinary! CRAP! I don't have a bucket list! Ha ha ha ha ha! One thing that I have truly enjoyed this year was my one week vacay from LA to Canada to NY and back. The trip was not all that luxurious but just to see another state and another country is one thing. My journey of loosing weight is still a journey that seems never ending. My love life is still just a vivid dream. So that's that. Not a whole lot of things to mention. Is my life boring? Hmmm don't know about that. I enjoy the simple things in life such as conversations with my nieces, ridiculous reactions of people for silly and stupid things I do and lastly just being able to say that I have lived through the days in one piece. What more can you ask for? Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year!

Running out of time - Turning into a Cougar

It may sound superficial for some, but there will always be a time in a woman's life where she feels pressured about her biological clock. They should never call it a clock. How do you measure a hour, a minute or a second? Who determines or warns us that its about to stop ticking. Is there an alarm, a stop watch or anything that will let me know its over? Yup my nerves are going bonkers right now. The worst of this situation is that the problem does not have a quick fix. The fix takes time, effort, money and some times even your sanity. One big bump in this problem is the fact that men feels this desperation from the women that is pressured in time. They say that's when women starts acting like cougars. Cougars are known to dominate and consume their preys. Since men of later age are well acquainted with this cougaristic qualities, men of ripe age tends to be the victims. Ugh reading this makes women sound more like a dehydrated vampire going after fresh meat. Funny thing was I found this article that might interest you if you are reading this entry. In China, Looking for Mr. Right

A question that has a simple answer.

Facebook is one hella social networking site. It has helped us connect with people that we lost contact with. I am an avid fan of facebook but now I think it has back fired on me. When I was young, I guess, I always have been thin but as I have stepped in the land of united states of America and discovered the abundant number of fast food chains I have doubled or maybe tripled in size. But take note, this did not happen overnight, it happened in the span of 15 years! Yet my cousins did not fail to ask me the impeccable question - "Why are you so big?" Hold on! I know you are laughing let me give you time to take in the question. WHAT THE HELL! Really what do you want me to answer you! I eat! Maybe more than the norm but crap is it such a mystery for someone to gain weight!

What am I doing?

Reminiscing the time when we always dreamt of either becoming a surgeon, a lawyer, a teacher or a celebrity it made me realize how silly and disappointing my life is. Now that I have come of age, I realized those dreams are either reachable or remains a dream forever. Expectations are meant to be met or forgotten cause they are just damn impossible to reach. Does it really disappoint us when we do not follow through with our goals? Well when you look back at those unfortunate souls that faith has decided to take a different and more difficult route in life, they can easily say or yelp a big YES! People of higher stature or has reached their own goals in life can argue of not putting 110 percent of your effort into reaching these dreams. Nothing against you guys but shut the hell up! Not everybody got the opportunity or a supportive family. Some have come to accept what is bestowed upon them rather than wishing what if. I am not downgrading the hope thing. I am just being realistic that if all the luck in the world was on my side then maybe there is a what if. But in reality that lucky rabbit foot is just really a key chain and that shooting star is just a fallen meteor.

Is it too late for Love?

There are movies that you encounter where you will never forget. I woke up today and decided - "Hmmm I would love to rewatch It's Complicated!". So I did. Being single for such a long time I have successfully avoided those awkward moments of oh crap you need a partner for this. But just because I have avoided them does not mean that I do not think about it every now and then. This movie has reminded me that love does not have an expiration date. It does not choose to happen only in your early years when you use to be able to wear a size 4. That is the beauty of this movie it shows you that love can happen at any moment and to anybody. I have always been guilty of having negative energy towards the concept of being with somebody but with reasons. My negative feelings in regards to love has been more of a habit that I have since my heart was broken. To avoid the thought of missing to have somebody I have turned into despising people with relationships. I hated people showing affection in public. Before I realize it my hatred and disgust about relationship is gone but yet I still react the same way. Crazy, huh! I find myself making excuses why I chose to be single such as there are too many risks, I hate to put the effort and it is just gonna be a burden. All this is true but yet it is also what makes a relationship stronger. The movie just reminded me that I have not been enjoying myself or let myself loose cause I was just too scared to even try. The thrill of not knowing what will happen if it does not work out scares the crap out of me. But what scares me more is depending so much on that person and later I loose myself. I am getting old but yet in means nothing cause I am still scared to love.

Purpose?

I get these moments where I think that I have not done my purpose in life. You may call it a phase but now a days I have found myself pondering this issue almost everyday. Looking back to all that has happened to me, I am not saying that I am not proud of myself, it is more of what else should I do? What can I do to feel satisfied or fulfilled in life? I have applied to all charity events that I encounter at work and at home with my family. But I still have the feeling of needing to do more, needing to share more of what I could offer. I better fish for ideas now or else this feeling will never end.

The Art of Loosing Weight

I have suckered myself into a bet which is totally impossible. Loose a total of 60 pounds in 5 months. Today is my thrid month and I have only lost 15! WTF! I workout everyday and eat little but the weight just loves me so much that it decides to cling to every part of my body. If julian was my trainer she would have yelled straight at my face and made me cry or feel bad. Kudos to those people in Biggest Looser cause every pounds seems like forever to loose. But I cannot loose faith now I have to carry on so I could tell myself that I at least tried. And trying is not a complete failure. Or is it? These positive thinking crap is making my mind go bonkers!